2 Samuel 18 The victory goes to the side with the shortest haircut!

2 Samuel 18

David organised his army into divisions to face Absalom, appointing commanders of tens, hundreds and thousands with Joab in overall command with 1/3 of the troops, with Joab's brother Abishai and Ittai the Gittite taking the other 2/3.

David wanted to lead the troops personally but his advisers said that if David was killed it would all be over, but their lives were of less interest to Absalom and his army. David made a request that Absalom be treated kindly.

The battle took place in a forest in the region of Ephraim, spreading out to cover a large area.
David's army routed Absalom and his army.

Absalom met his demise when he came across some of David's soldiers while riding on his donkey.
As he rode off at top speed his hair got caught in the low branches of an oak tree and the donkey did not stop, leaving Absalom dangling helpless by his hair.

The men in immediate pursuit reported that Absalom was hanging in a tree to Joab, who with 10 of his men killed Absalom - thus ending the rebellion and restoring David as king.

Amihaaz the son of the priest wanted to take the news to David , but Joab knows that David does not usually take the news of the death of his enemy well, after all he killed the messanger who told him that Saul was dead because he had helped him to die.

Joab sent a cushite to tell David the news that Absalom is dead and the rebellion is over, David is once more king.

David goes to pieces on hearing the news and mourns the death of his son to the extent that the army do not feel like they won a victory.

The death of Absalom confirms a theory that Arnold Rimmer proposed in Red Dwarf - Series 2 episode Emohawk - By Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
The whole exchange goes as follows - 

Rimmer: Would it harm you to have hair like mine?

The Cat: I have got hair like yours. Just not on my head.

Rimmer: Well, I'm no stranger to the land of scoff. Perhaps you'd like to explain to me why it is that every major battle in history has been won by the side with the shortest haircut.

Kryten: Oh, surely not, sir!

Rimmer: Think about it! Why did the US cavalry beat the Indian nation? Short back and sides versus girly-hippie locks. The Cavaliers and the Roundheads, 1-0 to the pudding-basins. Vietnam, crew-cuts both sides, no score draw.

Kryten: Oh, for a really world-class psychiatrist!

2 Samuel 17 Good and bad advice sometimes sound similar

2 Samuel 17

Absalom is in effect king in Jerusalem and has made an enemy of his father, David.
Ahithophel, one of David's chief advisers has defected to Absalom's side and gives him some very sound advice, namely take 12000 men and go hunt down David your father while he is weak and already fleeing. Once you kill the king everybody will come over to your side and the victory and kingdom will be yours.
Absalom and the elders liked this idea but Absalom asked for the view of Hushai.
Hushai was a spy planted by king David to undermine the sound advice of Ahithophel.

Hushai pointed out that David and his men are very experienced fighters, and the chances of capturing the king with his troops are very slim, David would in all probability be hiding in some cave or hiding place.
Any deaths of Absalom's forces would be viewed as defeat, so Hushai recommends that Absalom rally every man in Israel - from Dan in the north to Beersheba in the south and with overwhelming force hunt down David and his band.
If David took refuge in a city, the army would be strong enough to level the city completely not leaving anything bigger than a stone.

Given these two pieces of advice, which would you take? - Absalom is delighted and much prefers Hushai's very bad advice which would wipe out many more people than just Absalom's target - his father the king.

Hushai sent word to the priests to pass on through their sons to David via a female servant. Unfortunately a male palace servant sees them and warns the palace. So Ahimaaz and Jonathan are forced to hide in a well in a safe house belonging to a guy called Bahurim. 
Bahurim's wife covered the well where the men were hiding and spread seed over the cover, and the searchers were totally unaware of the presence of a well let alone the men hiding in it. Telling the soldiers that the men had already crossed the ford and headed out.

David got the message and managed to make his escape in time.

Ahithophel seems to have taken the rejection of his plan very badly as he went home, put his affairs in order and hanged himself. (A sad end for a good advisor - though he had chosen the wrong side)

David and his men head to Manahaim, where the locals bring him and his men supplies of food 

Absalom had also appointed a replacement for Joab in command of the army - Amasa, whose father was an Ishmaelite and his mother a relative of Joab.

What makes me wonder here is that the advice of Ahithophel and Hushai are really quite similar go and search for and attack the king.
I don't want to draw parallels and certainly don't want to take a cheap shot at politicians - who am I kidding? That's exactly what I'm going to do!

You know how the political parties publish their fictional masterpieces Manifestos, trying to persuade us that they will actually A) Do what they say, and B) what they say does not harm the country and works in our best interests.
All the schemes of the parties sound like good advice and make a certain amount of sense (Apart from the fringe parties like the BNP, Monstor Raving Loony Party, UKIP etc), however in practise none of the parties will do as they say and if they do it will invariably backfire somewhere down the line.

2 Samuel 16 Saul's family reaction

2 Samuel 16

As king David is fleeing from Jerusalem and Absalom he meets up with Ziba who was a household servant to king Saul and now looks after Mephibosheth (Saul's lame Grandson).

Ziba is leading a string of donkeys, saddled and with provisions of food. These are for David and his followers lest they become weak in the wilderness.
Mephibosheth is staying behind in Jerusalem as he thinks that the Israelites will hand him the kingdom that was his grandfather's. (Some hope considering David has been king a while and Absalom is very popular)
This is treachery in David's eyes and Ziba is given outright the lands that belonged to the family of Saul.

As they march on another relative of king Saul meets David, a guy called Shimei who accuses David of being a man of violence while pelting him with stones!
David does not approve of retaliation for this insult "Perhaps the LORD told him to curse me" if so perhaps he will lift his curse and restore his blessings
Also David points out that his own flesh and blood is after him, why should not this relative of his former enemy do the same? After all he is basically powerless to do any real harm.

I do find it slightly ironic that Saul's relative should accuse David of violence and murder considering David spared Saul's life - twice, and composed a lament when he died.

Meanwhile, back in Jerusalem, Absalom questioned Hushai's loyalty, after all he was David's friend.
Hushai relied that he follows the one chosen , and if not David it will be Absalom.

Absalom also asked Ahithophel (one of David's trusted advisors) for his advice on what to do next.
Ahithophel told Absalom that he should sleep with all David's concubines - this would drive a big wedge into the relationship with David and proving how resolute Absalom is to annoy David would improve the resolve of the people.

Absalom then had intercourse with all of David's concubines in a tent on the roof of the palace.

2 Samuel 15 Absalom the Rebel

2 Samuel 15

Absalom bided his time in Jerusalem, but he was not idle. He had a chariot and 50 men to run before him.
He would get up early and sat by the city gate. Whenever anybody came with a complaint that they wanted the king to settle Absalom would ask where they were from, and say sadly that there was nobody available today in the palace to hear the case that obviously had merit, adding that if only he were appointed as judge by the king.

If anybody bowed down when they met Absalom, he would stop them from bowing and greeted them as equals and friends with a kiss.
Acting like this, Absalom managed to steal the hearts of the people in the space of 4 years.

At this stage Absalom asked David for permission to visit Hebron saying he made a vow while he was out of favour that if God bought him back to Jerusalem he would worship in Hebron.

David let Absalom go with his blessing - I don't think David would ever interfere if his son wanted to worship God.

However Absalom sent secret messengers through the land to declare Absalom as king in Hebron.
200 men from Jerusalem had accompanied Absalom, but his plan was not known to them.

When David and his people hear that Absalom had turned the people against David and declared himself king they fled Jerusalem lest Absalom take them captive and kill them.

One of David's friends was a man called Ittai the Gittite who had come from the land of the Philistines near Gath. David gave him the oppportunity to return to Gath or back to Jerusalem but he declined.

As they flee, the priests meet David with the Ark of the covenant and they offer sacrifices.
David urged the priests to go back to Jerusalem with the Ark - if God is with him, he will bring David back, if not then it does not matter. He also arranges to have spies within the city since the priests are loyal to David.
David also heard that one of his advisers Ahithophel had defected. David prayed that God would turn his advice into foolishness.

Another man met David as he fled, Hushai the Arkite met him. David also asked him to be a spy in Jerusalem.

2 Samuel 14 Absalom returns

2 Samuel 14

I enjoy hearing about history , and I recall hearing the story of Thomas Becket while visiting Canterbury Cathedral on a school visit.
You may wonder why I am starting here - probably with some cause!

Here is the link - Thomas and Henry lost their relationship but they still, I believe, close friends.David and Absalom lost their relationship but were still father and Son.

Thomas Becket was archbishop of Canterbury during the reign of Henry 2nd dying in 1170 - Thomas was born to middle class parents who gave him an education, and he was introduced as a clerk to the Royal court.
Eventually Thomas rose to become Lord Chancellor and was a very close friend of the king, enjoying the high life, good food, drink, and all the other things that the elite enjoyed.
Thomas had worked for a previous Archbishop and when the post became vacant Henry chose his friend for the post - probably hoping that Thomas would bring the church under his control.
Thomas had other views and as a result his relationship with the king deteriorated to the extent that they had to negotiate a handshake and a kiss of greeting.
Anyway it seems that an outburst of Henry was the cause of several knights heading to the cathedral in Canterbury and murdering Thomas in the church.

Absalom persuades Joab to arrange for his return from exile - Joab arranges this by getting a wise woman to visit David with a story about her 2 sons who had been in a field and had a fight one killing the other, and the community thought that her other son was a murderer and wanted to kill him, even though it would leave her destitute.

David gives her his assurance that her son will be protected and to send anybody who thought different to see him.

At which point she talked about Absalom.
David spotted the hand of Joab in this and Joab made an argument for Absalom.

David agrees that Absalom can return to Jerusalem, but he will not meet with him.

Absalom is regarded as very handsome and probably had amazing hair - he used to cut it once a year when it got too heavy, and he would weigh the hair cut off and it was about 5 kg (what a wierdo - who weighs their haircut??) but he appears to have been very popular.

For 2 years Absalom waited to see David - he eventually got frustrated and sent for Joab.
Joab refused to come, so Absalom told his servants to set Joab's field on fire!
This did get Joab to pay him a visit and Absalom demanded to see David if he has done anything wrong David could put him to death.

Eventually David and Absalom meet up again and they meet with David kissing Absalom in greeting.

As we will see tomorrow, Absalom leads a conspiracy against his father the king. 

Thomas Becket had not been very popular in life, but after he died they found that he wore sackcloth that was flea ridden under his posh robes, it did not take long before he became extremely famous. Becoming a saint in 1173 and his tomb became a site of pilgrimage for 400 years until it was destroyed in the reformation.

2 Samuel 13 Family trouble

2 Samuel 13

Nathan's prophesy did not take all that long to come true, David had a number of sons and daughters by several wives 

David's eldest son fell for his half sister Tamar. Tamar was one of at least 2 children David had by his wife Maacah, her brother was Absalom. From all accounts both brother and sister were quite attractive.

Amnon had an advisor, Jonadab, his cousin, the son of David's brother who was very shrewd.
He advised Amnon to pretend to be very ill and to ask David when he came to visit his sickbed for Tamar to bring him some food, as that might revive him.

Tamar, not suspecting went to her half brothers house and made him a meal while he watched. Amnon then sent everyone out and asked Tamar to come into his bedroom so she could help him eat.

When they were alone Amnon demanded that she come to bed with him.
Tamar resisted and implored Amnon not to do such a wicked thing, she would be disgraced. If Amnon asked the king, he would probably let them marry (though it was forbidden in the law) 

Amnon was stronger than Tamar and he raped her. At which point his feelings changed from lust to disgust and hate. He demanded that she get out of his house.
Tamar explained that this was worse than what he had already done, but Amnon told his servants to throw Tamar out of his house.
Tamar left weeping and having torn her clothes in despair. 
Absalom took Tamar into his house where she lived as a desolate woman.

When he heard what had happened, king David was furious, though he does not appear to have treated the matter seriously enough for Absalom.

Absalom refused to talk to Amnon neither good nor bad, but he hated his half brother.

Some 2 years later Absalom's shepherds were shearing his sheep at a place called Baal Hazor and he invited all the kings sons to a feast - he invited his father David and his retinue, but David declined as he thought that the court would put too great a strain on Absalom, but he gave his blessing.
Absalom asked then if Amnon could come in David's stead.
Absalom order his men when Amnon was in high spirits from the wine to strike Amnon down and kill him.

When the men struck, all David's other sons fled the scene as fast as they could ride, but news travelled even faster, and David got word that all his sons were dead.

At this point Jonadab puts in another appearance and tells the king that only Amnon is dead, and this was Absalom's plan all along to get revenge for Tamar's rape.
Shortly after the rest of David's sons arrive and they all mourn for Amnon 

Absalom fled the country following the murder and fled to Geshur where he stayed for 3 years.
During this time, David wanted to go to Absalom and reconcile and for consolation following Amnon's death.

This evening before writing this blog I was watching an episode of Death in Paradise, like so many crime dramas there are complicated family and friendships, but really they have nothing on this lot!.

2 Samuel 12 reality strikes

2 Samuel 12

God gave the prophet Nathan is given a rather tricky message to deliver to David.
The message starts with what is the first parable found in the Bible.

I guess parable may not be a word in common usage, it is really a story or illustration with a hidden deeper meaning, there is something about a story that has the power to break through prejudice and engage the listener, particularly if a lecture is unlikely to make the impact!

The story goes - there was a rich man and a poor man living as neighbours, the poor man and his family had virtually nothing of value apart from one ewe lamb. This lamb was their best hope for the future and they treasured it. The rich man was very rich possessing many sheep and cattle.

One day a guest came to stay with the rich man, but instead of killing one of his herd or flock to make a meal, he took the poor man's lamb.

On hearing this tale, David was outraged "the man who did this must die, paying for the lamb 4 times over since he was so pitiless 

Nathan then presses the message - "You are that man, God bought you to the position you now hold, giving you all of Israel and Judah, and if that had not been enough even more. Why did you do evil in God's eyes by striking down Uriah the Hittite - you killed him with the sword of the Ammonites, even if you did not wield it yourself.
Now the sword will not depart from your house, because you despised God and took Uriah's wife to be your own.

Trouble will come on David from within his own family, David bedded Bathsheba in secret at night, but one of his family would make a show of bedding David's wives and concubines in full daylight.

David was distraught - I have sinned against the Lord. 
In fact the full prayer of David is recorded in full in the book of Psalms (Psalm 51) 
Nathan assured David that God had forgiven David, and would not strike David down.
However the child conceived in an act of contempt of God would not live.

David and Bathsheba's son fell ill and David fasted and wept weeping so much that when the boy died a week later, they were afraid to tell David, but he guessed.
On hearing the news, David got up, washed and ate "While the boy lived, I fasted and wept because God could change his mind, but there is no point now, I will join him one day but he will not come back to me".

David comforted Bathsheba and they had another son, David and Bathsheba called him Solomon, God told Nathan that the boy should be called Jedidah (Which means loved by God). So the vengeful God that the likes of Richard Dawkins et al go banging on about actually shows particular love the brother of the boy who died having been conceived in an act of contempt for God.

Meanwhile Joab has been continuing the campaign against the Ammonites and has captured the water supply for their capital city Rabbah. Joab requests that David come with reinforcements otherwise he will take the city and name it after himself!

So David mobilised the whole army and attacked and captures Rabbah, taking the crown from the king - the crown weighed approximately 34 kg and was inset with jewels. 
34 kilos - that is so heavy that wearing this thing must have been really bad - the current imperial crown of the UK I am informed weighs just under 1 kg 

David and the army captures all the Ammonite towns effectively enslaving the people to manual labour and making bricks. 
The campaign over, the army went back to Jerusalem.