Guess who is coming to Egypt?

Genesis Chapter 42

The good years are over and famine appears to be widespread, with harvests failing all over the region. 

Jacob hears that grain is available in Egypt and sends his sons down to buy grain, with the exception of his youngest son, Benjamin, Joseph’s only full brother.

Joseph spots his brothers and decides to get a certain measure of pay back.

First he accuses his brothers of being spies, his brothers respond that they are all sons of one man and that there are 12 sons, Benjamin is with Dad and, as far as they know, Joseph is no more.

Joseph then imprisons his own family for 3 days and would only release one to get Benjamin from their father.

Eventually he relents and lets them go. His brothers seem to realise that something is not right and think that the ghost of Joseph is giving them payback (or God is doing it on Joseph’s memory).

Joseph is using an interpreter to speak to his brothers without letting on that he can understand (A sometimes interesting thing to do).

Taking Simeon as a hostage and putting him in restraints in front of the others, Joseph sells them grain, puts the money back in the top of the grain sacks and sends them on their way.

When the returning brothers open the sacks that night and find the silver their state comes pretty close to panic

When they get back (minus Simeon and tell Judah about their experience they all seem to get a shudder down their spines

Jacob seems to have inherited Isaac’s sense of the dramatic when he says that Benjamin going to Egypt would “bring his grey head into the grave in grief”

Dreams and Portents²

Genesis Chapter 41

2 years pass for Joseph in prison when one night Pharaoh has a dream about cows and corn which he believes has a meaning, but all the wise men could not work out what it was.

Eventually the cup bearer gets a memory jog and Joseph pops back into mind, and he tells Pharaoh that he knows of somebody with a track record of interpreting dreams, a guy he met in prison!

Cleaned up and shaved, Joseph hears, understands and explains the dreams that Egypt would have 7 years with amazing harvests followed by seven years of drought and poor harvests.

When asked when he would be able to prove this Joseph said “About 14 years” and the Egyptian version of the Daily Mail ran an article about crazy socialist policy based on dreams –Only joking.

Joseph recommends stockpiling grain by introducing income tax during the good years to store up food and grain. At least we know who’s bright idea THAT was!

Joseph now in one day goes from prisoner to prime minister, he now has Pharaoh’s patronage and support (as well as second best robes, chariot and ring) and is de facto ruler of the land.

It is interesting that Joseph is now 30 years old, The bible is not clear but I suspect that Joseph was probably mid teens when he was sold by his brothers, and has spent half of his life as a slave and prisoner.

Think about it - it takes time as a house slave to become so trusted and time in prison to get a position of trust 

Dreams and portents

Genesis Chapter 40

Joseph is doing his rounds and finds two prisoners looking very worried about dreams they had in the night – Pharaoh’s baker and his cupbearer, who have both somehow managed to upset Pharaoh.

The cupbearer dreams of 3 clusters of grapes which he squeezes and gives the cup to Pharoah.

The baker dreams that he is carrying 3 baskets of bread but birds are eating it as he goes to the palace.

Joseph explains that the dreams and has good news and bad news. The good news is that Pharaoh's birthday is coming up and he will forgive the cup bearer and restore his position of high trust at court. The baker however is not so fortunate, pharaoh does not forgive him and instead has him executed and the his head displayed for the birds to peck at.

Joseph asks the cup bearer to remember him once he is free and back in his position of high trust at court.

Things follow as Joseph has said, however the cupbearer has a memory lapse once he is out, and poor Joseph is stuck in prison.

Poor, poor Joseph

Genesis Chapter 39

After a slightly confusing interlude the story returns to our young hero Joseph.

As time goes on his owner, Potiphar, a military man, commander of the palace guard, begins to realise that he has bought a bit of a bargain with Joseph. 

And young Joseph winds up in charge of everything – apparently Potiphar only had to worry about he  was going to be for dinner.

Mrs Potiphar decided to take a fancy to the handsome young slave running everything and she decides that she wants a bit of fun. 

However Joseph refuses all her advances until eventually she managed to corner Joseph who leaves his clothes behind in the struggle. 

At which point the woman scorned accuses Joseph of attempted rape.

I’m not sure about whether Potiphar believes his wife as he does not summarily kill Joseph (Which I’m sure a palace guard official was entitled and capable of doing). Instead he throws him into prison. There are accounts from Rome of careless slaves being killed for dropping dishes, and I'm sure others did the same.

If it had been me, I would wonder what God thought he was playing at given this set of circumstances, however the Bible tells us that God was with Joseph in prison , and eventually Joseph becomes a trustee and takes care of the other prisoners.

You know what, I can only wonder at the faith of Joseph. If I had been through what he went through, sold into slavery, in all likelihood he probably only escaped summary execution in a probably quite gruesome manner by the skin of his teeth and winds up in a dark dank prison cell in irons, yet in all this God did not leave him,

Judah and Tamar

Genesis Chapter 38

At this stage the Bible takes a sideways step and Joseph is being a slave in Egypt we get some background on his half brother, Judah

The Sin on "Onanism" (and a song by Monty Python’s Flying Circus) are based on this chapter. 

Judah has set off on his own and married a local girl and has 3 sons, Er, Onan and Shelah. 

Judah arranges a marriage between Er and a woman named Tamar, but “Er was wicked in the Lords sight, so the Lord put him to death” Not sure what for exactly.

Jacob then says to Onan that he must do his duty and marry his sister in law so the line of Er would not die out. 

However Onan decided that any child of this union would inherit the family estate as he would be counted as Er’s child rather than his so he spilled his seed on the ground. This was a wicked thing to do as well and God puts him to death as well.

From my reading, Onan's evil was greed and not being willing to carry on his brother's name (which was a big deal back then) rather than spilling his seed on the ground.

Judah then tells Tamar that she should go back and live with her parents as a widow until Shelah is grown up. 

Tamar does as suggested but eventually figures out that Judah has forgotten her, so she dresses up as a prostitute and old father in law decides he feels the urge, and not recognising his daughter in law, gives her his staff and seal while he goes back and gets some money to pay for her services.

Tamar gets pregnant and when Judah finds out he, quite hypocritically, goes ballistic and demands to know who the father is before she is stoned to death.

Bringing out his staff and seal, Tamar actually embarrasses Judah into not killing her

Tamar is the first of 4 women who are Jesus direct ancestors that are listed in the gospels.

And now in Technicolor

Chapter 36 

I don’t honestly see the point of this chapter, apart from there are many histories even for some of the secondary characters.

Chapter 37

The film Gladiator has the tag line – “The general who became a slave, a slave who became a gladiator, a gladiator who deified an emperor” 

The story of Maximius Decimus Meridius is nothing compared with the Amazing Joseph (even without his Technicolor dreamcoat!)

Joseph seems to be blessed with prophetic dreams – however his dreams really wind up his (10) older and (1) younger brothers and his parent, particularly as he seems to take special pleasure in telling them that they will bow down to him. 

He also had a history of dobbing his brother in, passing on bad reports

The special coat (Technicolor dreamcoat) actually probably was not brightly coloured but had long sleeves which made it unsuitable for working.

Jacob sends Joseph out to check up on his brothers who, when they see him coming, decide that they could live without little brother and chuck him in a well while they decide what to do.

Lucky for Joseph (in the long run) some slave traders come along and Josephs brothers make a bargain and sell him for 20 pieces of silver.

Ruben comes back to send the boy back to dad and finds him gone so they set up a murder scene where Joseph appears to have been attacked by a wild animal.

Joseph meanwhile (unknown to anybody who would be in a position to help him) is sold as a slave in Egypt.

I'll not go into the issue of slavery at this point - as the Bible talks about slavery later on. Suffice it to say that selling a sibling into slavery is not condoned in the book of Genesis - as we will see later .

Israel becomes monotheistic.

Genesis 35

In this chapter Jacob becomes monotheistic – he orders all his household to get rid of any other gods and they will worship God only. It seems Rachel nicked those gods from Laban for no purpose, as they are now thrown away.

Some people seem to think that believing in one God will somehow make you immune from pain and hardship, this is a lie, it is certainly not true, whoever said it is fibbing - do I need to go on and explain that this is complete and utter rubbish?

As if to demonstrate this point, Jacob or Israel has just made a conscious decision to wholeheartedly follow God when he experiences 2 deaths in quick succession – 

Rachel dies in childbirth, She is Jacob’s favourite wife. She died near Bethlehem and I believe her tomb is still there. The child she had difficulty giving birth to was named by Rachel as Ben-oni (Son of my pain) but Jacob thinks that is a bit of a tough name to go with names him “Son of my right hand” or Benjamin.

The other death is that of Isaac – remember several chapters (and 20 years ago) he was thinking he was at deaths door and passed his blessing on – he finally passes through deaths door some 20 years later.

I think it is interesting that Jacob and Esau both attend their dad’s funeral just as Isaac and Ishmael buried Abraham.

A story I won't tell

Chapter 34

This chapter was the inspiration of another book that inspired me to start this blog, itself written as a blog by an American, agnostic Jew. The blog was published as “the Good book” by David Plotz. Mr Plotz - thank you for your book and insights.

David was at his niece’s batmitzvah when, bored with the ceremony, he picked up a bible from the pew and started to read – to his surprise he found a story he had not come across before. Shocked that this could happen in Genesis (as well as at what happens in the chapter) – he decided to read the rest of the Jewish Scripture so find out what else he might have missed.

For those who don’t know the story read the chapter. Go on - find a bible and read it yourself. If you are reading this online there are online bibles you can use - a good one is the World English Bible available online http://ebible.org/web/GEN34.htm#V0

Warning - the story contains both sex and violence. you have been warned!
If you are a man I challenge you not to wince at what happens.

In some ways I envy David Plotz and A.J. Jacobs, both class themselves as non-observant Jews who had not had much exposure to their faith or the scriptures and they came to it fresh and with no preconceptions. 

I’ve been bought up in a Christian family and heard and read the bible before and had a lot of teaching on the Bible, so I sometimes miss just how extra ordinary this book is.

If this story is new to you, I challenge you to try reading the Bible for yourself. 

What harm can it do? 

Family reunions

Chapter 33

Jacob has sent his family, livestock and all his possessions on ahead when he has hears that his brother is on his way to meet him. Jacob is still more than a bit nervous as Esau comes up.

I wonder if he feels very guilty about having taken advantage of Esau - it is certain that they parted on very bad terms.

Finally Jacob shows some humility and bows 7 times in submission, however Esau has grown up and 20 years have cooled his anger and the bothers finally meet with an embrace.

Esau questions Jacob on the gifts he sent ahead which were an attempt to placate him, and accepts Jacob’s gifts (eventually). 

Jacob decides to not crowd Esau, or perhaps knows that the two living in the same place would soon fall out all over again. 

I have to say I get on better with my siblings since we don’t live in the same county!!

The struggles of Israel (or Jacob)

Chapter 32

Probably out of the frying pan into the fire sums up this chapter – 20 years have passed but Jacob is very worried that Esau has not forgotten or forgiven him.

This is confirmed for Jacob when he sends a message to warn Esau of his coming and Esau sets off to meet him right away, with 400 of his mates.

Jacob, in a state of panic, splits his family and flocks into 2 groups – to limit the damage that Esau could do.

Jacob turns to God in prayer this time and asks God for help. He then tries to placate Esau with gifts of livestock.

The next bit is interesting, or at least to me – Jacob has sent everything and everybody ahead to put off the final reckoning when a stranger comes along and has a wrestling match.

Not sure how one goes about this – hey stranger, let’s wrestle?

Anyway Jacob gets injured but does not give up or let his protagonist go without a blessing. For a blessing Jacob (The grasper) gets a new name, Israel (The struggler)

Jacob carries on his journey – though now limping due to his injured hip.

Blessings back in those days must be a much bigger deal that we seem to think these days when Jacob will risk enmity with his brother and further injury in a wrestling match.

for me a blessing could be getting to work and only having half a dozen weekend e-mails to deal with instead of 30!

In the book of his blog A.J. Jacobs touches on this a bit - he found that many of the little blessings, when recognised, actually made him more thankful that things did not go as badly as they may have done.

I'm also concerned that we sometimes miss the really big blessings because we are too tied up to notice the little blessings.

God, please give us  a really big blessing today - and the eyes to see it and appreciate it. Preferably without leaving us with a limp!

Goodbye Uncle Laban

Genesis Chapter 31

Relations between Jacob and Laban seem to have deteriorated over the years and eventually Jacob decides it is time to leave. God affirms that it is time to go home as well.

Jacob’s wives and family come out to meet him with the flocks and Jacob explains that he is going and that despite Laban having changed their agreement 10 times, God has shown him how to come out on top and really he did not have anything to do with it (spin doctoring perhaps?)

Jacob heads off home little knowing that Rachel has nicked her family gods – interesting that Laban apparently did not know or honour the God of his relatives.

Laban finds family, flocks and gods missing and heads off to teach Jacob a lesson. God speaks to Laban in a dream. Laban then softens his tone a bit but still has a good rant at Jacob. 

Jacob pleads ignorance about the gods, and agrees to searching belongings and promising death to whoever had stolen Laban's household Gods..

Rachel , the guilty party, has hidden the gods in her saddle bag and then gets out of a predicament by claiming that she cannot move due to her period (a topic that was probably as taboo then as it is today) If you want to read a bit more I suggest you have a read of an interesting book “My year of Living Biblically” by A.J. Jacobs – an Agnostic Jew who likes to conduct odd life experiments and share the results. Actually this is one of the books that inspired me to start this blog - so Mr Jacobs, if you ever come across this effort I'd like to say thank you for the inspiration.

In his book Mr Jacobs tries to live by every rule in the Bible. Even, or perhaps particularly, the ones that don't make a whole lot of sense in the modern world. I'm sure I will quote from this book again!

Eventually Jacob and Laban calm down a bit and they agree to part peaceably, though with threats that if Laban hears of Jacob mistreating his girls or taking other wives there will be a reckoning.

Ironically the Mizpah pendant (which comes in 2 halves and is aimed at romantics) that together say “The Lord watch between thee and me while we are apart” (Verse 49) , While it is very sweet and romantic, it was an uneasy truce between two men who really did not trust each other very much!

Family feuds

Genesis Chapter 29 & 30

These 2 chapters of Genesis fit together so well that I'll cover them in the one post.

 A span of about 20 years is covered.

Jacob arrives at his uncle’s house and meets his drop dead gorgeous daughter (My paraphrase) Rachel who is tending sheep.

Laban welcomes Jacob as his own flesh and blood – We find that Laban and Jacob are quite similar characters, and in Laban I think the trickster, Jacob has met his match.

Jacob asks for Rachel’s hand in marriage, after a month of working for nothing. Jacob agrees to work for 7 years which Jacob agrees with. Uncle Laban pulls a fast one and swaps the daughter Jacob does not fancy for the one he does. 

Poor Jacob has probably been on the vino for a bit and does not notice until the next morning when he wakes up with somebody he was not expecting.

Laban then says that Jacob can still marry Rachel the following month but hast to agree to work unpaid for another 7 years.

We now get a baby race between sisters and concubines that lasts for the next chapter, which winds up with Jacob being father of 12 sons and at least 1 daughter

Jacob’s children are

-          Leah (Wife No 1) Ruben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issahcar, Zebulan, Dinah (A daughter)

-          Bilhah – Rachel’s surrogate Dan, Naphtali,

-          Zilpah – Leah’s surrogate Gad Asher

-          Rachel (Wife No 2) – Joseph and Benjamin

Jacob then agrees to work for Laban after paying for his wives, in exchange for a portion of his flocks, (striped and spotted). Laban then quickly removes all Jacob’s wages from the flock.

Jacob however knows a trick or two about sheep and pulls a fast one on Laban and arranges for the strong young to be born speckled and striped but the weak ones plain. So Jacob becomes very rich looking after Laban's flocks 

By the way I don't know if the trick Jacob used actually works, and I really have no intention of finding out!

Jacob's ladder

Genesis Chapter 28

Jacob leaves home heading for his uncle Laban ostensibly to find a wife, though mostly to avoid getting horribly killed by Esau

Jacob travels as far as Bethel where he stops because it is dark. 

To my mind this explains a lot about Jacob’s state of mind here – he is running from his brother and only stops because he can no longer see where he is going. 

The fact that he uses a stone as a pillow suggests that he is travelling extremely light as stones are not really comfortable!

Jacob seems to be basically at his wits end, he is alone, its dark, he has only the clothes on his back, yet somehow Jacob manages to fall asleep and has a dream where God appears to him at the top of a ladder with angels running up and down.

God appears and identifies himself as the God of Abraham and Isaac and explains that Jacob has a destiny and that God will not leave him until he returns to his family holdings

Jacob decides that if God makes good, he will only worship God, and he promises to give to God 10% of all God gives him.

For me, the best thing about this chapter is that God can meet us when we are at our lowest point - even if we are not seeking him, let alone expecting him.

My Brother Esau is an hairy man but I am a smooth man.

Genesis Chapter 27

Connoisseurs of British comedy will recognise the title of this blog post as the theme for a spoof sermon written by Alan Bennett for the show beyond the fringe, it comes from this chapter in Genesis.  “My Brother Esau is an hairy man, but I am a smooth man” 

The sketch is a very witty spoof sermon, which has nothing to do with the verse!

The actual background to this verse that is admittedly (in my opinion) inherently funny when taken out of context is that Isaac is getting on a bit, his eyesight is going and he thinks he is at death’s door. So asks Esau to go out and get him some nice venison for a stew. In exchange for his blessing. (which might seem a bit extreme these days, but it was very important for Jacob and Esau)

Rebekah hears this and decides that Jacob should get the blessing so orders him to kill two young  goats, which Rebekah cooks up just like Isaac likes, telling Jacob to take it in to dad pretending to be Esau.  Now we get the punch line - Esau seems extremely hairy while Jacob really is not, and If the subterfuge fails Jacob is likely to get a curse rather than a blessing.

Mum however wraps goat skins around his hands and arms and his neck (Just how hairy was Esau for goodness sake?) and they manage to pull the wool over Dad’s eyes (Pun intended, aimed for, but missed!)

Esau then comes in and gets told that Jacob has just given the blessing to Jacob.

Esau seems to hold a bit of a grudge against Jacob and plans to solve his birth right and blessing issues by killing Jacob once old Dad has passed away.

Rebekah now intervenes and arranges to send Jacob away for a bit to her family. Jacob sets off on his own, while Esau calms down and is away for 2 decades.

By the way if you are not familiar with the Allen Bennett sermon - you can find it here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOsYN---eGk

A word of warning - Don't listen if you are going to be offended.

Family traits.

Genesis Chapter 26

Like father like son – There is almost a repeat of Chapter 20 here.

There is a famine and God tells Isaac not to head down to Egypt, instead he heads off to stay with Abimalek of the philistines. 

Again the hero of our story, Isaac this time, says that his wife is his sister so that if anybody fancies her then he would be safe. Charming!

This time Isaac gives himself away when he is observed “fondling” his wife.

Eventually Abimalek begins to get worried that Isaac is getting very rich indeed and requests that he depart the area.

God seems to have been a bit quiet the last few chapters, but he now promises to Isaac what he promised to Abraham, and Isaac finally seems to get a faith of his own and builds an alter and worships God alone.

One final thing in this chapter – Abimalek and Isaac meet again and agree a non aggression pact at a place that translates as “the well of the oath” or Beersheba which is still a large town today.

I don't know about you, but I find that Abraham and Jacob are real characters in the bible - you may not want to do into business with them, Abraham, as we have seen was quite capable of looking after himself if he needed to, and we will see in coming chapters that Jacob strikes me as the kind of guy who follows you into a revolving door but comes out first!

Isaac seems to be very passive by comparison, he just gets on with living it seems. 

Perhaps there is a moral here - God's plan uses even relatively quiet people.

Later on God tells Moses "I am the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob" so here's to the quiet people God can use to do extraordinary things.

Of Hairy, stew, funerals and birthrights

Genesis Chapter 25

Abraham dies at the ripe old age of 175 years. 

Isaac is now in his 70’s himself and Ishmael is 88 (maths from earlier chapters) when they put aside their differences to bury their father. 

In the intervening 30-40 years between Sarah’s death and Abraham’s death he takes another wife, Keturah. (or perhaps she is a concubine depending where you read the story – it is one of the “discrepancies” that people throw in to try and throw Christians.) 

For what it is worth, my view is that it does not matter much if they were officially married.

Anyway old Abraham manages to sire another half dozen sons with Keturah.

Abraham seems to have left everything to Isaac on his death, but made provision for his other children before he died. He also sent them away so they would not challenge Isaac.

We then get some history of Ishmael – but it is summed up as “they did not get along”

Then we get Jacob and Esau – their names mean “Grasper” and “Hairy” respectively. 

Due to the fact that Esau was quite hairy when he was born and Jacob had hold of Esau’s ankle.

It seems that Jacob and Esau never really saw eye to eye – Esau loved the outdoor life, hunting and generally killing things. While Jacob was much more of a stay at home kind of chap.

Esau it seems was not a great planner as he came in hungry from a hunt and Jacob had a vegetable stew on the go – Jacob sells Esau a bowl in exchange for his birth right. 

I’m not sure but I think that meant the oldest son inherited the vast majority of the estate while the younger son get virtually nothing in comparison.

As an elder brother I can sympathise with Esau a bit, he is hungry and young brother tries to pull a fast one on you. However I shout “you pillock” at Esau as he puts his immediate needs against his future comfort. 

After all nobody we know has ever mortgaged their future ……..oh wait it is probably something many people, banks and governments do.

Of camels and nose rings

Genesis chapter 24

Abraham now decides to get a wife for Isaac. 

One interesting cultural thing in this chapter is that Abraham makes his servant put his hand on his thigh and promise to find a wife for Isaac from his extended family (rather than from the local Hittite community)

Just as well we moved on to a raised hand or a handshake – grabbing each other’s thigh would be a tad awkward these days!

Anyway to cut a long chapter short – Abraham’s servant heads off, finds Rebekah, persuades her to leave with him and become wife to Isaac.

The prayer of Abraham’s servant is quite interesting – I guess it did not work for me so well when I tried something similar as I’m still single. (and have no camels!!)

It is also interesting that part of presenting Rebekah with gifts and claiming her for Isaac’s wife includes a nose ring – This seems a tad on the extreme side, did the girl even have a piercing for a nose ring?

More to the point – fathers, if your daughter comes in with stranger and a nose ring, saying that she is going to marry a distant cousin how would you respond?

Daughters – I do not recommend you try this at home. 

Abraham the land owner?

Genesis Chapter 23

This is a poignant moment in Genesis in this chapter, Abraham’s wife, Sarah, dies.

It is interesting to me that Abraham actually fairly bought the only land  he owned in the current holy land, and that was because he wanted somewhere to call his own to bury his late wife. 

The current trend in the UK seems to be that you are nobody if you do not own your house (or at owe the bank a lot of money and pay them to live in it) 

Abraham never owned property until this time and led the life of a nomad, wandering the land.

God will provide.....

Genesis Chapter 22

This is one of these “What the heck?!” chapters. Abraham has waited at least 13 years for a Son born by Sarah. 

This son is the one God promised through whom Abraham would become a father of so many they cannot be counted. 

So what does God do? Tells Abraham to sacrifice Isaac by fire on top of a mountain. 

When God told Abraham that Sodom and Gomorrah were about to be destroyed Abraham negotiates with God for the sake of the towns – now God is asking him to kill his heir, old Abraham just gets the lad to carry the wood!

Young Isaac realises that something is a bit screwy and asks where is the sacrifice – to Which Abraham relies that God will provide one……

Luckily for Isaac (and the story of the Biible) God intervenes, prevents Abraham from committing murder and arranges a goat to get trapped in a bush.

I guess that there is a bit of an echo here of the Christian belief of the sacrifice of Jesus immortalised in the best known verse of the whole bible “For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16

I guess it is one thing to think “What the heck” when reading this chapter, but really when a person believes that Jesus (God’s only begotten son) DID actually die as God sacrifices himself to himself and by so doing wins mankind for himself.

The end of this chapter mentions that Abraham’s extended family is growing as well – there will be more of these guys later.

The Birth of Isaac

Genesis chapter 21

Abraham and Sarah finally get the promised son after a wait of at least 13 years. 
Sarah says “God has bought laughter into my life, those who hear of this will see the joke too. – that is a paraphrase, but Isaac means “he laughs”
Isaac’s older half brother, Ishmael, takes the opportunity to give young Isaac a bit of grief, and at the request of Sarah, Hagar and Ishmael are banished from the house hold, given them a water bottle and picnic and sent off into the desert
It is worth noting that God takes a hand in saving Hagar and Ishmael and they seem to get on ok once they find some more water.
Meanwhile Abilalek and Abraham make a treaty that they will not harm each other and Abimalek agrees that a well that is important to both sides was dug by Abraham and belongs to him – this is the well at Beersheba 
Surely Abimalak would have noticed that Abraham's "Sister" was pregnant in the previous chapter? I guess not!

Old Abraham, old tricks

Genesis Chapter 20

While things go wrong for Lot, Abraham meanwhile has moved south towards Egypt and stays with a guy called Abimalek.

Abraham is by this stage in his late 90’s and Sarah is knocking on 90 – yet again he pulls the old “My wife is my sister” trick to protect his hide. 

I know optometry has come a long way since bible times but WHAT THE HECK?????

I don't begin to understand this chapter!

Fire and Brimstone

Genesis Chapter 19

Presumably the 3 visitors to Abraham in the last chapter pay a visit to Sodom and are persuaded to accept hospitality by Lot, Abraham's relative, rather than spend the night in the town square.

There is a lot of controversy about this chapter – Is it one the passages that are openly anti gay?

The more hard line view is that the men of Sodom want to "get to know" the visitors in Lot's house to mean "Get to know in the biblical sense" - or to Sodomise them, and their evil is perversion and rampant immorality.
A more liberal view is that “to know” means to identify and to meet with, and that the sin of the folk of Sodom is showing a lack of hospitality.
I may be unpopular here but I tend to lean toward the more traditional harder line view.
There are 2 main reasons for this - 
Number 1 is that I'm asked to accept a story in the Bible that talks about “knowing” does not mean "knowing in the Biblical sense" 
Number 2 is that Lot offers his virgin daughters to the mob "Who have never known a man". I think that Lot's parenting skills and backbone are extremely lacking here - this is not going to win father of the year awards!

The issue of homosexuality seems to be a rather hot potato with the church and state at the moment. Here are a few facts - 

1 I follow Jesus Christ who said absolutely nothing about homosexuality.
2 There are about about 6 chapters of the Bible that mention homosexuality (out of over 1000)
3 The Catholic churches Catechism (or official teaching) is that it is not a sin to be homosexual, but that sex was designed by God to be between a man and a woman who are married (either by a ceremony or in practice like common law - though married by ceremony is better) so this means that sleeping around and being promiscuous and having intercourse with a person who is not married to you is a sin and not in line with the teaching of the church or the ideals of the Bible.

Personally I am heterosexual though celibate – there is a deal of emphasis on sex in our culture and the "need" to express our sexuality. As for me I more or less agree with the Catholic teaching. It is sometimes difficult and I have to avoid temptation, but I try.

I understand that many people will strongly not agree with this and who am I to judge? 
You have a point - what you do in your private life is strictly between you and God and, though I may not approve personally, it is none of my business. 
But one of the Christian freedoms that we enjoy is that we can express our views and we can agree to differ. 

Anyway Lot is told to hop it and get out of Dodge without looking back  Lot’s wife looks back and becomes a pillar of salt.

Next thing his daughters decide that since the town is destroyed their chances of having children to support them in their old age are slim, and they decide to get Dad drunk (twice) and then commit incest with old dad.

The two children become two nations (The Ammonites and the Moabites) that are thorns in the side of Israel for the next several hundred years.

Sodomy and incest - in the same chapter of the Bible, who says the Bible is not spicy?

Abraham, defender of the innocent

Genesis Chapter 18

In this chapter God pays a second visit to Abraham, presumably not long after the last chapter.

I note that Abraham is resting by the door of his tent when 3 strangers arrive. 

The first thing he does is tell Sarah to get into the kitchen and make some food!  (*Typical bloke” says half the population!!)

The men say that they will come back next year when Sarah is holding her son – Sarah has a chuckle about this and gets asked why did you laugh? I’m getting a bit of a theme here – God is most definitely having a bit of a laugh.

Next is a poignant bit – decides to warn Abraham that he plans to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because word of their evil deeds has reached as far as heaven.

When God tells Abraham that he will destroy Sodom and Gomorrah as they are wicked. Abraham negotiates with God that God will do the right thing and not destroy good people along with the wicked. 

“Should not the judge of the earth do right?”

God promises that if he finds 50 good people living there then the cities would be spared.

Abraham then negotiates him down to 10, if only 20% of God's original offer are good, the entire city would escape judgement.

I have to say that I admire Abraham for arguing and negotiating with God - there are a number of Bible characters who know God well enough to argue. 

At last - Abram finds his missing "ha"

Genesis Chapter 17

In this chapter Abram (Noble father) becomes Abraham (Father of many nations) and Sarai becomes Sarah (Apparently they both mean "princess").

13 years have passed and Abram has aged from 86 to 99 years old when God arranges another meeting with Abram. Re-names him Abraham and promises that kings and whole nations will be his direct descendants.

The institution of male circumcision is started in this chapter, and is a practice that continues in the Jewish faith to this day (At least by practicing Jews).

Abraham bows down to worship God but, I don't know if saying "Has a fit of the giggles" will get me into trouble, the chapter does say that Abraham laughs when he thinks that he is 100 years old and Sarah is 90 and about to become a father.

Abraham mentions Ishmael as an option for God to fulfil his promise but God has apparently decided that Sarah will have a son and his name will be “Laughter” or Isaac.

The last laugh in this story belongs to God it would appear

The institution of circumcision also starts in this chapter with the whole household being circumcised on the same day. 

Abram the patient

Genesis Chapter 16

God give me patience – NOW would probably be the best summary of this chapter.

Sarai decides that, since God has promised Abram a son and she is getting on a bit, that God needs a bit of a hand and suggests that Abram sleeps with her maid servant Hagar.

Hagar, then gets pregnant and starts rubbing it in with Sarai, who complains that it is all Abram’s fault. (Husbands – you get this? I’m single so can take this at a step removed).

Hagar eventually runs away – meets with God, returns and becomes the mother of Ishmael.

Abram then has to wait for another 13 years for God’s promise to be fulfilled. He is currently 86 years old.

Those that know me well will know that I am something of a gadget freak, I like the latest and greatest and just a couple of weeks ago there was an update to the Android operating system, and I spent a good week asking my phone and tablet "Why have you not found the update yet? it is out there, go and look for it" I even went so far as to try and manually load the update into the devices.

If I get impatient for an upgrade to an operating system a week after it is promised, what would I be like waiting as long as Abram did? 

I know in my heart that God's promises are a lot better and less buggy than a new android phone system, and that he fulfills his promise at the best time, but sometimes I find myself praying "God please give me patience - Right now!"

Oh, and thanks for the gadgets, without which I would not be writing this!

Abram the Righteous

Genesis Chapter 15

The Word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, "Do not be afraid, I am your shield and your very great reward”

Of all the commands in the Bible the command most repeated is "Do not be afraid"

Kind of odd really when people accuse the church of using fear keep people in ignorance and to suppress scientific research.

Abram finally admits that he is a wee bit over the hill and asks God why he has no children.

God then points out the night sky and tells Abram that his descendants will outnumber the stars.

Abram believes God and “it was credited to him as righteousness” – moral if God tells you something incredible, perhaps it is as well to believe him!

Abram's descendants by blood may outnumber the stars you see in the night sky (especially if you live in a city and have light pollution). Certainly his spiritual children are pretty numerous. 

Abram, man of action

Genesis Chapter 14

In Genesis chapter 13, Lot pitches his tents near the city of Sodom, in the very fertile land of the Jordan valley, in this chapter there is a bit of historical background explaining how Lot is carried off as war plunder. Basically various local rulers decide to rebel and go to war. 
During the action, Lot and his family are captured as spoils of war and face either life of slavery at best or mutilation and death at worst.
Abram hears of Lot's plight and we now see a new side to Abram, he goes on the warpath to rescue his relative – he actually goes quite a long way to catch them up. 
Abram and his followers and allies attack the army and rescue Lot and the other captives.

Next is an interesting bit because a local king of a place called Salem, Melchizedek,  pronounces a blessing from God to Abram. Melchizedek turns up a couple of other times in the bible, once in the book of Psalms where it says "You are a priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek", and in the book of Hebrews where it quotes the psalm!

The Mormons (or Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints) talk about  their priesthood being of the order of Melchizedek (who makes his appearance here). The claim that the ordained ministry in other churches is of the order of Aaron (more later of him).

Personally I think that Melchizedek was a royal and a priest (The kings of Israel later on were not of priestly classes, the priesthood and the royalty were quite separate), he blesses Abram and receives 10% of Abrams property – though Abram having been on the warpath, may have been travelling light!!

It is interesting that Abram refuses to take anything for himself from the king of Sodom, and actually only looks after his allies, he himself makes nothing out of the battle (Aside from rescuing his relatives) 

However, we have seen Abram as a man of action not afraid to use force to right a wrong. I'll go into my views on war later on - look out for it when I get to Joshua. 

Abram and family

Genesis Chapter 13

Despite their lack of fixed abodes it seems that Abram and Lot (Nephew) are doing alright for themselves. 

So alright in fact that they have so many staff and animals that there is not enough resources to support both. Leading to arguments between their respective employees and family members.

Abram, to avoid further trouble decides that he and Lot should part ways. He therefore gives Lot the option of where he wants to go and offers to go the other way to avoid future trouble.

Lot decides to settle on the plains of the river Jordan where the land is fertile and life seems to be easy compared to life in the highlands. So he sets up home near a little place called Sodom – there is a cartoon with Lot looking at the sign to Sodom asking “What do they get up to there?”

Meanwhile Abram moves on to Hebron (a town still around today) having wandered around the land

There is a recurring theme in this Chapter - Abram calls upon the name of the Lord.

God promises again to Abram that the land he can see will one day belong to Abram and his descendants.

Honest Abram

Genesis Chapter 12

Abraham is the founder of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam – here is a great chance to examine the character of one of the most influential people in the course of human history.

So Abram (the "ha" appears later, I've not forgotten) has been living in Haran (modern day Iraq) and God calls him to move away from his family, promises a great name that will be a blessing for all people,

Abram follows God and moves to what is now Israel/Palestine which God promises to give his descendants, bearing in mind that Abram has no children, and is knocking on a bit.

The next thing that happens is a little test- things turn slightly difficult in Canaan and our hero Abram ups sticks and disappears off to Egypt, where – get this – he passes his wife off as his sister so that he would get favourable treatment from any potentially jealous locals.

The next thing is that God afflicts the slightly dishonest Abrams hosts with disease before anybody manages to do anything with Sarai (Abraham’s wife)  This strikes me as a wee bit unfair, Abram has lied about his wife leading people to think that she was available, and sarai had not objected to the deception.

Perhaps it was a loud hint from God in time to stop anything untoward happening?

I really do not know.

A tower to heaven? it'll cost......

Genesis Chapter 10

There appear to be a number of chapters in the Bible that are genealogical records and can be summed up as “Begat”, 'and Thingummy begat wotsisname.' 

I personally find these chapters rather dull and reasonably pointless – however if this chapter means something to you – that’s great. feel free to comment if you find something that excites you!

I can't leave the blog here it is just far too short - what I will do is lump these sort of chapters together until I find something exciting (to me at least)

Genesis Chapter 11

It appears that God is not too keen on architects who plan to show him who is who.

Experts tell that the tower of Babel is the first building that used man made bricks and bitumen for mortar.

Ironic people tell that Mankind built a tower to reach up to God, but God heads down to earth to check out what mankind is up to. 

He gets revenge by making the French, Germans etc……….

One thing I would like to know - did a builders estimate back then bear any relation to the actual cost of the tower of Babel?

One thing I really admire that is inspired by this story is how Douglas Adams uses the babel fish in the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

In the book the babel fish works by reading speech patterns and excreting telepathically a matrix derived from the conscious speech centres of the brain – the upshot is that if you stick one in your ear, you can instantly understand anything spoken in any language.

Douglas Adams (a well known atheist) then uses this to prove that God does not exist.

“I refuse to prove that I exist” Says God, “for proof denies faith and without faith I am nothing”

“Ah” replies man, “what about the Babel fish, (nothing so mind bogglingly useful could evolve purely by chance) it is a dead give away, it proves you exist and so therefore you don’t Q.E.D.”

“Oh dear” says God and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

Man then proves that black is white and gets knocked down at the zebra crossing.

People say that many wars are caused by lack of communication, but according to Douglas Adams, by removing all barriers to effective communication, the Babel fish has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in creation!

The rest of the chapter is a bit more begetting up to one of the main characters for the next several chapters – please imagine dramatic introduction type music and a drum roll for the founder of 3 major world religions, Abram - or as we know him better, Abraham.